Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
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40s are totally the cure
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...