dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have feelings that need drinking.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night