there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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