I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex