I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
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Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
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Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!