We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance