you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake