I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!