Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling

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  (914): so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling http://tfl.nu/v4vu
  Replies (38) Good night (4782) Bad night (926)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth

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  (414): it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth http://tfl.nu/rgv0
  Replies (19) Good night (1044) Bad night (4721)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away

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  (205): I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away http://tfl.nu/4739
  Replies (5) Good night (2359) Bad night (958)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.

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  (205): I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/mhcf
  Replies (24) Good night (4329) Bad night (1065)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance

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  (484): I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance http://tfl.nu/sui0
  Replies (6) Good night (724) Bad night (1460)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.

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  (918): What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how. http://tfl.nu/o4fq
  Replies (12) Good night (3286) Bad night (1345)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Marry him. Now.

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  (570): He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight. (1-570): Marry him. Now. http://tfl.nu/5wky
  Replies (13) Good night (4106) Bad night (831)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.

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  (416): You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/90l8
  Replies (3) Good night (1123) Bad night (440)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.

  (1+61): View more from

  Dude, you're not even gay.

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  (+61): I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that. (1+61): Dude, you're not even gay. http://tfl.nu/9cst
  Replies (5) Good night (1043) Bad night (437)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.

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  (347): Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it. http://tfl.nu/skxk
  Replies (2) Good night (433) Bad night (667)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong

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  (605): Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong http://tfl.nu/jxwn
  Replies (1) Good night (639) Bad night (372)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here

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  (630): and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby (1-630): Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted? (630): only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby. (1-630): Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here http://tfl.nu/fcdg
  Replies (2) Good night (486) Bad night (471)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick

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  (215): He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick http://tfl.nu/9d7z
  Replies (1) Good night (429) Bad night (575)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.

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  (217): I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five. http://tfl.nu/ev47
  Replies (4) Good night (647) Bad night (301)
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  (209): View more from California

  Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force

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  (209): Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force http://tfl.nu/m7mw
  Replies (1) Good night (572) Bad night (353)

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