Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.