sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
