I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
