Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
