I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
