oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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