You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
