I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
