I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
