i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
