This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
