We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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