Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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