i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
