a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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