my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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