roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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