your thong is hanging out like whoa
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i think i just lost a toe
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