He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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