Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
