right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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