We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
