That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
