my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
