return my video game
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
His hands were made for my vagina.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
