You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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