I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize