Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
