I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
