We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
