Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
