is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
