i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
