he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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