My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
