Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
