remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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