just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
