Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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