Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
