She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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