I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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