i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
