It was confusing and full of hummus
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
