I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
