Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
