i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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