My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
