Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
