ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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