I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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