i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
