Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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