I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
