Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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