We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
