Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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