Apparently you make a good broom.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
