did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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