doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
