Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
