every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
