I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
