are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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