Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
