My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
