it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
