i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
not ubering you a puppy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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