I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
