Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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