why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
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No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
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Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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