Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
