how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
