my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
